Just a Little Crush (Crush #1) Page 8

  “Well, there you go. My reasons for not having girlfriends are the same. My parents haven’t left me with much faith in relationships but maybe the right girl would change that.”

  Hope sparked in my chest, though I quickly smothered it. For me to be the right girl, he’d have to be the right guy. I wanted him. Like, bad. But having sex with him terrified me. I’d waited long enough to want it to be special and not just a quick devirginzation like Mason had offered. But Ryder wasn’t the kind of guy a girl like me should get attached to. He was a little too seasoned. I’d be terrified to make an inexperienced fool out of myself. Last night’s campus make-out session already made me uncomfortable to think about. Even though I’d denied it at the time, alcohol had been a factor. Well, and all that dancing. It was like sex standing up. Who wouldn’t get turned on doing that with him? But now that he’d essentially confirmed my virgin status, my personal insecurities were insurmountable.

  “Is it that obvious?” I asked.

  “What? That you’re a virgin?”

  I buried my head in my hands, tucked into the space between my knees and chest.

  “It’s nothing to be embarrassed about, and no.”

  The sound of sirens whistled in the distance then faded into the night.

  I peeked at him then focused back on the streaming lights below. “So what gave it away?” If he said the way I kissed, I’d die of embarrassment.

  “To be honest, I think lots of guys try to get in your pants.”

  I scoffed and shook my head. “Not really.”

  “You’re oblivious to the way they look at you. That’s when I assumed you were.”

  “You make me sound naïve and stupid.”

  “Not naïve. Innocent, maybe. Which isn’t a bad thing, but it scares me. I’m worried some guy’s going to take advantage of that.”

  “Some people think you’re that guy.”

  “I know.” He pulled up one leg and rested his arm on his knee. “That worries me too.” He stood and wandered to the edge of the overlook.

  “I’m not as innocent as you think, you know,” I said.

  He grinned at me over his shoulder. “I gathered as much.” He turned and leaned against the guardrail. “That day, when you walked into the coffee shop, I couldn’t resist talking with you, but once I did, I knew it had been a bad idea. I figured the odds of running into you again were slim, but then you showed up at my place. And everything about you was just so different than the other girls who are usually interested in guys like me, which is also why I knew you’d get hurt.” He shook his head and looked away. “So, I decided to just get to know you. I thought if you became a person to me, I’d never be able to hurt you. Because that’s what I do. When I see a girl I want, I go after her. I sleep with her. Then I’m done. That’s the truth. That’s me.”

  He stared at me like he wanted a reaction, but what did he expect? Was I supposed to tell him he disgusted me? Because he didn’t. In fact, it only intrigued me. He’d said he wanted me but then he took me back to my dorm. “So is that why you don’t want to sleep with me? Because you know me now?”

  He chuckled. “Who said I don’t? My plan didn’t exactly work. Getting to know you only made me want you that much more. In case you haven’t noticed, every time I’m around you, it tends to end the same way. So, I’m being honest with you. I’m telling you who I am so I can never hurt you. I don’t trust myself around you.”

  I slid down from the rock and walked up to him.

  His gaze followed my every movement and he stiffened as I closed the gap.

  “You had the chance last night and you didn’t.” I slid my hands over his chest to his shoulders. “I trust you.”

  “Don’t ever trust me.” His tone was pleading and it pulled at me.

  No matter what words came out of his mouth, instinct told me he wouldn’t intentionally hurt me.

  On my tiptoes, I laced my hands around his neck and pulled his mouth to mine. When my lips brushed against his, he brought his hand to my cheek and gently pushed me back.

  “Brinley.” He sounded exasperated.

  My feet flattened onto the packed dirt, and I stared at him for a moment. “I’m sorry.” I spun away, headed for the hike-and-bike trail. “We should go. It’s late and I have class tomorrow.”

  “Wait.”

  Leaves and sticks littered the walkway, creating potential hazards. I hoped he followed because I found the darkness terrifying but refused to slow down and face my embarrassment. We weren’t far from where the car was parked, but I was thankful when footsteps fell in step behind me.

  “Slow down, please.”

  I ignored him and made it to the car. His doors were locked so I waited by the passenger side. I hugged my sides as he approached, but the doors didn’t click open.

  Ryder turned me to face him. “We need to get something straight. Not kissing you right then was one of the hardest things I’ve done.” He ran his finger over my cheek and tilted my head up. “I want you. Understand? So fucking bad it kills me to be around you.” He brushed his lips over mine and whispered against them, “I want to taste you.” He traced the seam of my lips with his tongue. “Here.” He ran his hand over my neck and along my collarbone. “Here.” He placed another light kiss on my lips then ran his hand down my chest and cupped my breast. His thumb brushed over me and warmth shot through me. My breath caught and he sighed against my mouth then said, “Here.” He sucked my bottom lip into his mouth and ran his hand down my stomach and between my thighs. “And especially here.”

  A sigh slipped out, and he rubbed his hand over me as I arched into him. He shoved his tongue past my lips and tangled it with mine. His hungry kisses made my mouth raw as he stroked me. I sucked his tongue and he groaned then tore free. The door clicked unlocked.

  “Get in,” he said, his voice gruff.

  My breathing was erratic as I stood stunned. He walked around to the driver’s door and I scrambled into the car. He seemed pissed and I didn’t know how to respond. Frustrated and confused, I buckled up and sank into my seat.

  He pulled out of the parking lot in silence.

  Though pretty sure he sped, I kept my mouth shut. He seemed in a hurry to get me home and away from him. So when he pulled into the parking lot of his dorm, I didn’t know what to think. Maybe the walk back to my dorm would cool us both off.

  When I got out of the car, he grabbed my hand and led me inside his building. I waited for an explanation that never came.

  He opened the door to his suite and swore when he saw Noah on the couch.

  “What the hell?” Noah asked.

  Ryder ignored him and pulled me toward his room.

  “Ryder, what the fuck are you doing?” Noah stood and gaped at us.

  I glanced between them. What the hell was he doing? Not only was this situation awkward, he still hadn’t spoken to me. He seemed pissed, yet dragged me to his room.

  “I’ll deal with you later,” he grumbled to Noah.

  “Bullshit. We’ll talk now.”

  “No. We won’t.”

  “Always have to win, don’t you? Think you can just haul her off and force yourself on her? Is that how you plan to win?”

  “This isn’t a fucking competition!” Ryder banged his fist against the wall and let go of my hand.

  I stepped back and stared at him.

  Noah raised an eyebrow, “Since wh—”

  “If you don’t shut the fuck up, I’ll shut you up,” Ryder growled.

  “You won’t do shit.” Noah crossed his arms. “So what did he tell you, huh? What did he say to get you in his bed?”

  Ryder grabbed Noah by the shirt. “So help me God, if you don’t shut your fucking mouth I’ll beat the sh—”

  “Ryder,” I gasped, and covered my mouth with my hand.

  He glanced at me. His eyes had gone dark.

  I took a step back.

  He blinked and released Noah with a shove.

  Noah righted himself and said, �
��So she sees your true colors after all.” He snatched his pack of cigarettes off the table and stomped out the front door.

  Ryder stormed in the opposite direction, brushing past me and into his room. He was about to slam his door when he saw me standing there. The hard lines of his face softened and he paused. He plopped onto his bed and buried his face in his hands.

  I stepped into his room and shut the door behind me. Closing myself in the room with him might not be the smartest idea, but I still didn’t believe he really could hurt anyone. There was more between him and Noah. There had to be.

  “You should go.” His voice sounded strained.

  “Probably, but I’m not.” I stood in front of him and he glanced up. My heart tore at the pained look on his face. He appeared broken and not at all like the guy I was used to seeing. I placed my hand on his cheek and he leaned into it.

  He wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his head against my stomach. I ran my hand over his head, soothing him.

  “Lie with me.” He scooted back and pulled me onto his bed.

  We rested our heads on his pillows and he studied me.

  I took a deep breath, preparing myself for whatever answer he might throw at me, and asked, “What’s going on?”

  He twisted a lock of my dark hair around his finger before tucking it behind my ear. Then he ran his finger along my jaw, rubbed his thumb over my cheek and brushed it across my lips.

  “Ryder, just tell me.”

  “I’m—It’s not—” He flipped onto his back and scrubbed his hands over his face, then blurted, “Noah thinks I came between you two.”

  “But you didn’t. We’re just friends. There hasn’t ever been more. Never will be either. He knows that.”

  He looked away and stared at his desk. “He also thinks I’m with you for the wrong reason.”

  A door slammed and I jumped.

  His gaze flicked back to me and I saw nothing but pain. “He’s not the only one who will think that.”

  “I don’t care what anyone else thinks. And since when do you?”

  He studied me and his expression softened. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, “for dragging you into this.” He pulled me to him.

  I nestled into the nook of his arm and he hugged me to his chest. I glanced up and he stared back.

  “Can I ask you one more question?”

  He nodded.

  “Why were you bringing me to your room?”

  One eyebrow quirked up. “You want the truth?”

  “Sex?”

  He shook his head and scooted down so we were eye level. “I wanted to finish what we started the first time you were in my room. These little teasers are killing me.”

  My cheeks burned and I stared at his shirt, unable to maintain eye contact.

  “You have no idea how fucking bad I want to see how it ends.” He pressed his cheek to mine and whispered in my ear. “When you moan into my mouth and your body arches against me, I want to be the one who takes you over the edge. When you come, I want my name on your lips.”

  My stomach pulled and heat radiated down my thighs. I grazed my fingertips over his chest.

  He exhaled a slow, hot breath on my neck then rolled onto his back and wrapped his arm around me. “But tonight we sleep.”

  Chapter Eight

  Early the next morning I slipped out of Ryder’s bed. The clothes I’d slept in were wrinkled and I had an hour to get changed before my first class. I also hoped to sneak out before Noah woke. I couldn’t face him after spending the night in his suitemate’s room. It was too awkward, especially after what Ryder had told me.

  After putting on my shoes, I glanced back at Ryder. The pillow hid most of his face but what peeked out was perfection. Temptation won. I ran my fingers over his defined jaw and brushed my thumb over his lip ring.

  He stirred and lifted his hand to mine. With his eyes sealed shut, he nuzzled into my hand and my heartbeat stuttered. If this was wrong, why did it feel so perfect?

  I slid my hand free and whispered, “Bye.” I tiptoed to the door, carefully opened it and slipped out. As I started to pull it closed, I peeked over at Ryder and found him watching me. The corners of his mouth curved into a small smile, which I returned before shutting the door and coming face-to-face with Noah.

  He narrowed his eyes. “You have any idea how many girls he’s slept with? In that bed? Don’t be fooled. You aren’t special. I really thought more of you. Thought you might be a little bit of a challenge. He played you different though, saying he wasn’t interested. He played us both, I guess.”

  Ryder opened his door and leaned against the frame, arms crossed, eyes narrowed on Noah. “Go home, Brinley.”

  “Yeah, Brinley. Game’s over. Go home. And don’t expect a call. Ryder just needed another tally on his score card—oh, and don’t forget the virgin bonus points.”

  Ryder lunged at Noah and shoved him into the wall. It vibrated with the impact. He raised his fist.

  “Stop!” I screamed.

  Ryder didn’t look at me, but his fist halted in the air as his chest rose and fell with his quickened breathing.

  “Go ahead. Hit me.” Noah smirked. “We both know you’d be out on your ass.”

  Ryder’s knuckles whitened and his jaw muscle clenched. He was going to beat Noah to a pulp, no doubt.

  “Stop,” I said, quieter. “Just stop. Please, Ryder, stop.”

  He took a deep breath and lowered his fist.

  I shook my head and said, “Let’s get this straight right now. I didn’t have sex with him. Okay, Noah? So before you go around dragging me into whatever the hell this is”—I gestured with my hands between the two of them—”be sure you have your facts straight.”

  “You expect me to believe that?” He crossed his arms, flashing a smug grin that I wanted to personally smack off his face.

  “I don’t give a shit what you believe. That’s the truth. I slept in his room. With him. But we did not have sex. Now, I have to get to class.” I spun and stormed off.

  “Hold up, you just slept?” Noah said with a laugh. “You were serious? You’re a fucking idiot, Ryder. It’ll never work.”

  “You think I don’t know that?” he answered.

  I paused at the door and glanced over my shoulder. What did that mean?

  Ryder stared at me then dropped his gaze and disappeared into his room. Noah shook his head and stepped into his own room with a smirk plastered to his face.

  Back at my dorm, Fallon packed books into her backpack and turned to me when I walked in.

  “Ooh, so where did you sleep last night?” She grinned. “I never expected you to be doing the walk of shame. Please tell me it was Ryder. Then give me all the dirty details.”

  I dug around in my drawer for clean clothes and ignored her.

  “What? Did something happen? Are you okay?”

  She didn’t know I was peeved about the whole Mason thing, and technically I had given her the thumbs-up, but it still irked me. “Why did you sleep with Mason? I need a friend right now and he and I aren’t even talking.” I slammed the drawer shut. “Never mind. Just forget I asked.”

  “Whoa. I didn’t sleep with Mason.”

  “Seriously? Were you so drunk you can’t remember?”

  “I was drunk the other night, but trust me, I’d remember if I had sex with someone.”

  “He was in our room. The sock was on the door.”

  “The sock?” She plopped onto her bed and shook her head. “I didn’t put the sock there. I came in and passed out.”

  “But Mason was in here.”

  “Yeah. When I got back to the room, he was here. In the hall. Said he was waiting for you. I told him you were in a cab right behind us and should be coming. I let him in then he asked who you were with. He seemed all pissy when I mentioned Ryder.”

  “Then what happened?”

  “I told him he could wait in our room. And I passed out. That’s it. We didn’t have sex. I’d remember if we did.”
She narrowed her eyes. “So did he say we did?”

  “Actually, no. The sock was on the door. We left, walked around for a while, then when we came back he was coming out of the room. He acted like that’s why the sock was there. He let me believe you two had sex.” Why would he do that? It made no sense. He knew how pissed it made me and he got some sort of satisfaction out of the whole thing.

  “Obviously he’s jealous of Ryder and wanted to get you worked up too. Guess it worked.”

  “But…why?”

  “He likes you.” She shrugged and stood.

  Mason didn’t like me. He’d been drunk and confused, nothing more.

  Looping her backpack straps over her shoulder, she asked, “So were you with Ryder last night?”

  “Um, yeah. That’s kind of a mess in itself though.”

  “Want to talk about it?”

  Actually, I did, but I had to get to class. “Maybe later.”

  “See you, then.”

  I changed and rushed to class. The very class I had with Mason and Noah.

  I slid into my seat.

  Mason was already there. He slouched back and glanced up at me. “Hey.” He averted his gaze.

  “Hi.” I pulled out my laptop then faced him. “We need to talk.”

  “I know.” He tapped his pen on the desk. Then leaned forward and ran both his hands through his hair. “I can’t remember all the details but I feel sick over the way I acted. It’s hazy—I know it was bad.”

  “Yeah. It was.” I rested my chin in my palm and studied him. He looked like shit and truly remorseful. “It doesn’t change the way I feel about you though.”

  His dark eyes flicked up and softened. “You can be mad. It’s okay.”

  “I never said I wasn’t. But it doesn’t mean I can’t let it go.”

  Professor Adams walked in and cleared his throat.

  “We can talk after class,” I whispered.

  He nodded.

  “One more thing.” I asked, “Is Noah here?”

  Mason’s gaze darted over my shoulder. “Um, yeah, and he hasn’t stopped staring at you for the last five minutes.”

  I sighed and nodded. “Thanks.”

  With my hair as a shield, I kept my head down, refusing to spare Noah a glance. As soon as class was over, I grabbed my stuff and rushed out of the auditorium with Mason.